Question:
What have you learned about custody arrangements? What seems to be best for the kid’s stability during the school year?
Answer:
The key to any custody
arrangement is:- the absence of conflict between the divorced couple
- the access of each parent to the child
- keeping the child as stable and secure as possible
It brings to the front
the need for maturity, commitment to the child and most of all, good
communication and conflict resolutions SKILLS. Children don’t get divorced –
just the adults. The child is still dependent on the parents and impacted by their
actions and attitudes (particularly toward each other).
Question:
How do you deal with rejection from the step-in laws
step-kids?
Answer:
The sense of rejection
means we have expectations that weren’t met – or a condition that wasn’t
satisfied. It’s called “love with a hook in it.” Many times we expect
reciprocity or immediate gratification from our efforts as we move toward our
step-relatives. However, these are “baby” relationships (new). These take time
to develop. If we are trying, with our best intentions, to reach out, join
and/or incorporate into the new step-system, we may be setting ourselves up for
rejection or getting ignored. Others may not be ready to include us at the
level we want to be included. Again, all of this takes time.
It is always more
productive to take action that is right thing to do and release our
expectations of the other parties involved. This requires maturity, relational
SKILLS, and stepfamily education. Knowing what is normal frees us up to accept
the territory we are in.
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