Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Accepting Discipline from the Stepparent

Any tips on how to help discipline by the stepparent (father in this case) go smoother or be more accepted by the children? (9 year old son and 8 year old daughter.)

It may never be accepted by the children. Remember, the step-relationship is a “baby” relationship (brand new). So the emotional connections are just beginning to build. I do not know how long you have been married and what your expectations were re: discipline. In addition, the stepparent has no biological or legal connections to the stepchildren.

First, the step-relationships need time to build – just like a friendship. Many bio-parents are looking for someone to help with the discipline and structure. And…many stepparents think they are coming in with parenting rights. However, this doesn’t work. The older the children the less this will work. Younger children bond easier. Older children have had a history with their original family and that’s now broken. There can be resentment toward the stepparent as an interloper and also for taking love and time away from them that they believe they received before there was a stepparent.

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About Me

Carri is a documentary film producer and communication skills trainer. She and her husband speak nationally on relationships, communication and stepfamily development.