Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Living together with his kids

My fiancé has kids and has been previously married. I have no kids or ex-spouses. We also are living together before marriage so the odds are against us. What can we do to make this better?

Move out or get married with a commitment to seek remarriage and stepfamily counseling (workshops, books, and DVD’s can provide resource information also). Stepfamily education is crucial so you know what to expect with the particulars you are bringing to this remarriage. Also, finding a communication course will go a LONG way to giving you the skills to address the issues as they arise – and they WILL!

Moving out will give you both an opportunity to see things more clearly and determine an appropriate course of action – particularly getting the preparation needed to establish a successful stepfamily. Right now the everyday pressures of living are interfering with building a solid foundation for the future.


  1. I don't know how much longer I can bear staying in this marriage, Carri. I hope you will understand when I leave him. I have been staying all these years for the kids' protection, but my kids are now wanting/asking me to divorce and questioning why I stay, and are not happy at home when he is home. He is extremely self-absorbed and selfish, and won't take any responsibility for anything, blaming his shortcomings on other people (me), things. I know you are only hearing my side and I understand. I have never been more scared yet more sure of the decisions I will need to make. Mainly because his actions have negatively affected the kids. It is all very complicated but I am dying inside and I just need to live fully and not half a life...please, any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. I think what you do for broken home families is important.

  2. Have the two of you gone to a marriage counselor that understands stepcouples? If he is unwilling, go yourself. Get support and a broader perspective on your situation. Then when you make a decision it will be based on more information and options. If there is abuse going on, safety is the main concern. I don't know where you are located to give you any referals.


About Me

Carri is a documentary film producer and communication skills trainer. She and her husband speak nationally on relationships, communication and stepfamily development.